Terrible Thames

Booking Info

Horrible Histories proudly presents its wicked river tour of the Terrible Thames!

After two terrific years, we’re sailing into 2023! So climb aboard and prepare to hear the horrible history of the most famous river in the world!

Tremble in terror at the Tower! Sizzle at the Savoy! Give Cleopatra the needle! Be washed away at Westminster! Lose yourself in Lambeth! Get gobsmacked by the Globe! Hold onto your head at London Bridge and escape from Execution Dock!

Take a dive with Horrible Histories into the stories of King Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn, Julius Caesar, Queen Boudicca, Jack the Ripper and Captain Kidd, in this history of the Thames with the nasty bits left in!

  • ‘A fun, enjoyable, spirited alternative to more po-faced London tourism – may it sail on and on!’

    Time Out
  • ‘A terribly good London adventure for families – it appeals to the kiddos on every level’

    London for Kids
  • ‘A rip-roaring, riotous sightseeing tour kids and adults will never forget!’

    The Sun
of 03
23 Mar - 1 Sept
Tower Bridge Quay
Tickets From
Child £15, Senior £20, Adult £25
Latecomer Policy
This is a 45 minute Thames River Cruise, lt is not possible to seat late arrivals.
Age Recommendations
All ages are welcome, but children under the age of 15 must be accompanied by an adult on board. Children aged 0-3 go free, if seated on the lap of a parent or guardian. However, please note the tour is best suited for children aged 5 and above.

Customers with Access requirements will be able to purchase a full price ticket for any cruise, subject to availability. One additional carer/companion ticket will be made available free of charge, subject to availability. Please note both guests must have a valid ticket for entry. Any additional tickets required will be chargeable at the standard admission rate. 

To book a companion ticket please email


Terrible Thames Tours

Tower Bridge Quay is situated on the north bank of the Thames, on the east side of Tower Bridge, and immediately in front of the Tower Hotel. The pier is approx. 10 minutes walk from Tower Hill Underground station. DO NOT GO TO TOWER BRIDGE PIER!

View on Google Maps

Underground and Train

The nearest mainline station is London Bridge, the nearest underground station is Tower HIll


The 15, and 100 are a short distance away.


The tour is a round-trip and you will disembark at Tower Bridge Quay where you joined the trip.

Our boat has heating within the interior lower deck. It does not have air conditioning as the vessel is not a new build but we have plenty of windows for fresh air.

Our top deck will always be open to customers to enjoy the amazing sights of London. However in the event of rain the performers will carry out the performance on the lower interior deck, which is fully enclosed with windows so you can also enjoy the sights of London on the Terrible Thames Tour.

Our boat has two decks. The upper deck is fully open-air with wonderful views. The lower interior deck is fully enclosed with windows to enjoy the sights on the Terrible Thames Tour.

Travelling in London can often be impacted by engineering works, strikes and other incidents on public transport that are out of our control.  Please allow as much time as possible to get to your booked tour time so you are not disappointed.

Gender neutral toilet facilities are available on the lower deck of the vessel.

We do not have cloakroom facilities for the Terrible Thames cruise. There is an allocated space to store items such as prams/pushchairs and scooters on the lower deck only. These items are not permitted on the upper deck.

Our scheduled Terrible Thames cruise operates from Tower Bridge Quay (formerly St Katharine Pier) on the north bank of the Thames, east of Tower Bridge (in front of the Tower Hotel. Postcode – E1W 1LD. The pier is approximately 10 minutes walk from Tower Hill Underground Station.

There is no covered shelter on Tower Bridge Quay so please ensure you have appropriate attire to deal with the sometimes unpredictable English weather!

The tour is conducted by two actors, but unlike the Horrible Histories stage shows, they do not change into historical characters when telling the stories.

You will be meeting two characters on board the boat but unlike the Horrible Histories stage shows, the fast speed of the journey through constantly changing historical periods means the characters do not change into historical costumes.

We have a limited embark and disembark period for each Terrible Thames cruise. You should arrive in good time in order to board the vessel promptly at the time on your ticket. If you are buying tickets on the day, please allow some extra time to purchase.

The Production are working on exciting plans to introduce food and drink, so watch this space, but until then you are able to bring your own snacks and drinks onboard.

The closest car parks near Tower Bridge Quay are City Quay Car Park, E1W 1AE or London Thomas More Square, E1W 1YU. Online booking in advance is recommended. Just Park also has available spaces online in the immediate area of the pier which can be pre-booked online for your desired date.

All ages are welcome, but children under the age of 15 must be accompanied by an adult on board. Children aged 0-3 go free, if seated on the lap of a parent or guardian. However, please note the tour is best suited for children aged 5 and above.

We cannot predict passenger numbers for each cruise and length of queues will vary according to how busy each cruise is. However, boarding is swift and our host will be on site to assist whilst you are waiting to board the boat.

For security purposes we may from time to time undertake random bag searches or checks. This is done for the security of our passengers, crew and performers.

We don’t allow bikes on board, although kids’ scooters are permitted and can be stored on the lower deck.

If you think you have lost an item of property aboard the vessel, you should notify us via our social media channels. Please provide full descriptive details of your item, details of when and where it was lost, and full contact information so that we can get back in touch. Terrible Thames cannot accept responsibility for any items that may have been lost on board.

Passengers have to bring their printed ticket to board the cruise or show their ticket on a mobile device.

Access Information

As the Terrible Thames boat is not a new build we cannot offer step free access at present. A wheelchair lift and accessible bathroom facilities are in discussion to be installed. Please view our detailed accessibility information document HERE

Assistance Dogs are allowed on all Terrible Thames cruises at the Captain’s discretion. We ask you to contact the reservations team to book your ticket in advance. Please see our accessibility statement for more information and inform